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夜&独行&侠
所谓八卦 最近看到黄征Blog上有些留言一直都围绕着他最近与超女历娜的绯闻... 觉得很是不能理解, 也很为他感到委屈. 好好地就被人说成用历娜来炒作, 真是XXX不爽, 要不是历跟他扯上关系, 我至今也不知道她是什么来头, 现说了, 黄征都有女朋友了, 难不成还要非要搞得人家难堪吗? 唉, 这年头... 是不是大家都太无聊了呢...
其实爱看八卦爱聊八卦都是人之本性, 我也不觉得不好, 只是如果是真的是以"八卦"的角度去看那些新闻的话, 就不应该再加入自己的主观意见哪. 再说了, 道听途说本来就不该是我们这种二十一世纪人才做的事, 还深信不疑就更让人不解了. 这完全没有分辨力也不能这样啊. 作为公众人物, 他们是理所当然地会牺牲了自己的部分隐私, 可是这么恶意的攻击还真是让人想把写那文章的抓来打...
唉, 反正以前觉得那些事都跟我们这些平民老百姓没什么关系, 大家也只是闲暇时当个话题聊聊, 过了也就忘了, 可是一旦扯上了我喜欢的人, 也容易抓狂生气... 其实有时候"中庸"也挺好的.. 终于搞定... 刚才弄了半天,很有成就感地终于装上了VC. 我就真的按照出错提示提供的网站址上了微软的服务中心, 也找到了问题, 只是始终看不明白那一大堆英文说的是什么,在尝试了三遍之后终于成功. 只要不装Analyzer就一点问题都没有,提示的时候都没有好好看,那个valec.exe就是在这个里面啊...真是汗!!!不过但愿以后不会用到这个工具...不然还有一大串麻烦在等着我. 在犹豫要不要重装系统, 想了一下,为了拯救这个病入膏肓的电脑,还是重装吧...
快天亮了, 终于可以睡觉了... nothing to lose 不知道怎么搞得, 今天愣是一天都头晕晕的...几乎是断断续续地睡了一天的觉, 到晚上洗完澡才稍微清醒了一些.
电脑还是一塌糊涂怎么都搞不清楚, VC还是装不上, 刚才在网上查了一番, 几乎所有人的建议就是重装... 真是, 这叫什么意见, 还不如不说, 我要是想重装的话还用得着上网问吗? 下了半天决心, 还是决定明天重装了, 这是两年来对这个电脑的唯一一次重装... 又得不好意思麻烦大师同学. 刚下完决心, 又在想为了装上VC重装系统我还真是秀逗了吧. 由此可见, 我还真是一个好好学习的孩子, 马姐也应该表扬我了. Windows的书借来了, 看着两本好几千页的又是破烂不堪的书, 我真的得下好大决心才能读下去. 书非借不能读也今天也终于领会了. 但愿不会再像上回那样原封不动地还回去.
都三天没开电脑了, 我还真是佩服自己的自制力了----这就是我想证明的. 只要我下定决心做的, 就一定能做到. 刚才和猪头聊了会儿, 我们都一致觉得应该坚持自己的梦想, 而不要在意别人怎么说. 为了自己的兴趣, 就算苦那又怎么样. Nothing to lose. 我喜欢她说的这句话, 既然没有什么输不起的, 那为什么不向自己, 向这个社会的舆论挑战一下呢? 我再也不要经历像现在这般后悔的感觉了-----后悔没有努力过. 后悔总是摇摆不定... 我知道会有很多人不解, 会有很多人嘲笑, 也会有更多人告诉我会错过其它更多的事物. 但那是他们的事, 我只是想为了自己, 努力一次, 不管后果如何...
最近看朋友们的Blog, 才发现一直在怀念中学的人不是只有我们这些人.. 原来大家都一样. 也许我们真的把本该属于大学的生活提前过完了吧. 但我们这些人里, 怀念从前的心情也大不一样. 但是对未来, 我们却都有着一样的信念. 不管以前如何, 不管现在如何, 也不管未来如何, 我们都为彼此骄傲...
早上一起床就收到的那条短信, 一直在我的脑中回荡. 如果我爸妈有这样一个女儿, 他们一定再年轻十岁... 其实吃饭的时候我想说得很多, 只是不知道应该怎么说起. 我知道你一直不想让我们失望, 但作为朋友, 我们也希望你快乐. 所以请一定不要勉强自己. 有时候能感到你的不自信, 我也想说只要愿意就能做到, 其实你不是一直在证明着自己的能力吗? 但是不管做什么, 我们都站在你这边... 寂寞的季节莫名其妙地就感冒了...
刚才在百度上搜到一则很想知道的台湾新闻, 可是代理硬是没什么用..
好不容易上来了, 这儿也来逛逛吧
不知道自己到底是哪根筋不对了, 死也要刷出一能用的IP..
结果上了网站, 那则消息还是不知所云
好久没感冒了, 今天早上起来的时候就有点征兆了, 真是难受
刚才和飞哥哥聊了会儿, 有时候真不明白他, 算了, 本来就是不同世界的人..
他说冬哥哥要结婚了, 就在十月份.. 不知道还是不是那个姐姐
他最后是会屈服于爱情还是家长的压力?
不管是什么, 都希望他幸福...
我最喜欢的一个哥哥...
最近我说得最多的一句话就是: 秋天是分手的季节...
晓烨姐姐现在是单身吧, 诗诗姐姐也是, 还有晓晖, 还有一堆毕业的高中生们吧...
连自己也是在秋天失恋的...
转眼又过了四个季节了
秋天在北京总是一眨眼就过了
可是秋天发生的事却总能记到下个秋天...甚至再下个秋天...
今天感触有点多了
最近发呆也发得太频繁了
因为秋天来了吧
秋天一直是我最喜欢的季节
不管在福建还是北京都是一样
最近听陶喆的寂寞的季节突然特别有感觉
此情此景此歌
就是三个字---有感觉
突然疯了般地去搜寻他的踪迹
却发现其实自己早已忘记
而一旦忘记, 想要再想起来就是奢望
走过他可能出现过的任何一个地方
曾经发生过什么
怎么一点印象都没有
因为忘记
留下的只是最美好的
美好地就像是一场梦
一点也不真实
梦该醒了
秋天来了
寂寞的季节 中国人要用中文... 今天是我第一次去松堂, 在去之前我就预想到了会出现的情况----结果与我猜测的一样. 其实我一直都害怕去这样的地方, 我总觉得能看到自己未来的样子. 才刚到门口, 看到老人们在大厅里玩球的时候, 突然就有一种恐惧感. 我知道, 这里所有的人都是为了让这些老人们能过一个安详的晚年, 可是又有什么能比家人的陪伴更重要的呢? 如果是我, 我一定不会送父母来这儿的..
我跟李想说我一定要买本沟通之类的书回来看看.. 在所有的过程中, 我只会傻傻地站着(也是预料之中的). 本来就不是一个很会说话的人. 我是真的有心无力. 我也很想让他们开开心心的, 我也很想看到他们露出笑容, 可是我只是突然脑袋一片空白, 只会傻笑... 李想还把推入更加尴尬的境地(这人还说我没爱心, 不孝顺, 有私心... 5555, 真冤). 突然好想学心理... 似乎小时候的阴影到现在还没能完全从我心里抺去呐. 我只是个心理感情丰富却永远不知道如何表达的人, 或者大多数时候口是心非....
不愿主动交新朋友, 不愿与不熟的人说话, 就算是真的知道会是自己喜欢的类型也不会主动交流---就像司诺. 从她走进教室的第一天, 我就知道我真的希望她是我的朋友. 可是, 我们永远站在对角线, 坐在教室的两个角落, 距离最远的地方. 我甚至连她的中文名字都不知道, 只知道她叫Sammi. 直到有一天, 在咖啡屋的时候, 她走过来对我说, 我长得很像她一个朋友. 我说, 你让我觉得很熟悉. 她说, 她也喜欢Johny Depp. 我说, 我知道, 你男朋友感觉还挺像他的. 我们都笑了. 她说她是狮子座的, 初恋是射手座的男生. 我说我是射手座, 第一个喜欢的人是狮子座的... 就在那天, 我们把二十几天没说的话都说了个遍. 如果不是那一次的二战咖啡屋之行, 如果不是我无意中提到的Depp. 也许我们就是两条平行线. 想起她的时候就只有遗憾了... 我也很努力地尝试过, 不知道是不是每回对象选得都不对, 还是本来就是行为有偏差, 似乎总是事与愿违. 对于朋友的朋友, 我努力表现得友好. 甚至只是微笑不说话, 就算是这样, 也能出差子... 我只是不想朋友尴尬, 最后却让所有的人面对更加尴尬的气氛. 所有的朋友都说我心理年龄低得不行, 这只是EQ低吗, IQ也是够低的了. 不知道... 说话不在意别人的感受. 受刺激受多了, 总觉得自己一说话就会得罪人. 我喜欢的朋友有他们自己喜欢的朋友, 只要偶尔同他们聊聊天就好, 因为他们的朋友似乎不是那么喜欢我...
原来真的想考管理学, 可我知道我不合适... 我只是个适合给别人打工的人, 我只要做我喜欢的事, 其它的一切都无所谓... 别人的事似乎都可以与我无关. 天注定我要来北京, 天注定我要软件... 面对硬邦邦的电脑, 我还更能畅所欲言. 现在想想我的朋友们都是怎么忍受过这么多年的..唉,真是难为大家了... 虾在这里要向你们敬礼了. 也许是时候要主动找点刺激受受了... 加油加油~~~ New Bird The new term has just started... I saw the freshmen's complicated expression on their faces-----there were excitement, prospect, calmness or other things I can't tell. The sight reminded me of my first year of College. I went here alone without my parents. I was strong enough to do everything all by myself, althought it was just my second time to this city. But things liked the same as home. And I thought I would change myself-----however, I'm still that girl. Is it good or not? Half half... maybe...
What's the biggest difference between beginning and end of one term is that you can see few students in the self-study classroom in the beginning. I heard seniors said their queuing up for the seats of the classrooms before I went to college. But I know not here now. I returned from the teaching building just now, only two people in the room I studied. I meant nothing because I also prefer staying in the dormitory. I also want to study hard, and catch up with my friends. But I just can't resist the temptations.
Being a new bird again was my catch phrase in the Middle School. Now I want to say that again... Staring at the sky, I can feel the blinding light. The sun is shining. Will it be the same tomorrow, and what about me? Maybe sometimes it's overclouded, but it's still shining and waiting for giving the sunshine to the world again. I know everything will pass me by just like the clouds can never cover the sun's beams forever. So, I should pick myself up, shining...
Even Dying Can Help Nothing I spent two nice days, which made me think that bad luck had finally gone. But things doesn't look like that anyway. That worst day is always following me. Everything I had done that day is bringing me too much troubles. Yes, it's much easier said than done. Maybe all of you will tell me to forget. But how can I erase from my memory all the terrible things that day? Every time I thought I had forgotten, another misfortune followed. It's not a big deal if it happens solo any other day. But now, I'm just walking towards collapse. Any matters can push me down to the floor of the valley.
Is there anything or anyone that can pull me back from the brink of the cliff? I just want to do what I like and live a quiet life. Why should you challenge me again and again? How can I get rid of them? Time is not everything... I can do everything good, and I can treat everyone kindly. Please, please bring me back to two years ago-----no College Entrance Exam, no love, no fear, no cheat, no growing up...-----just have confidence, courage, belief, optimism... Shout!!!I'm going to be crazy......
Don't stumble over the same stone twice.
But more than five times already for me...
God still hates me. God Hates Me Today Sammy recommended a nice restaurant to me and insisted on my going with her. We had to suffer from hunger for one hour to wait for the seats. Anyway, it really worths. But the topic we talked was not so good as the food, which made me kind of slow later. Lost in thought, I got on the bus to the opposite direction. Just when the bus started did I realize my stupid action. I shouted, thought to myself. The conductor turned around and said angrily,"But I have torn the ticket for you." "Well, but I have paid the money to you, and I didn't expect you to give the money back to me and never asked for it. Just let me off at the nearest stop." I replied calmly with emotionless face. The more wrathful she seemed to be, the happier I was. No viciousness at all, simply find something to relieve my depression. That's it. Then I got on the right one. I was still thinking about what Sammy asked me. Well, as what you may guess, I missed the right time to get off...... God must hate me today, so what, tomorrow will be a lucky day... yeah!! WhyWhy do I care about what others think of me? Why do I have to expain so much to the people that don't concern me at all? Does it matter wether they understand me or not? Why can't I keep those just in my mind? why did I do it even no one cares? I have my own things to be done, so, forget it... Just do that, alone... True friends can understand me even no words at all--- maybe through the expression just in each other's eyes. I don't need much, do I? It can simply bring me too much trouble. Stop now, stop... Don't do that stupid and furitless things any more. Wa Wa Wa....Crazy... No Plans A heavy rain finally washes the heat away. Though it's said to be hotter the day after tomorrow, enjoying my last two cool days here sounds great. I've finished my courses at last. Thinking back about this month, only one word can describe it----crazy. That's because my life has never been so regular. I know clearly what I'm doing and what I'll do. Schedule? Sounds ironical. "Plans can never catch up with the changes" is what I always insisted on before. Plans, to me, were really insignificant. I just liked doing things with a powerful and unconstrained style. Anyway, I don't want my life to be like this... Changing... Death A terrilbe word
No one knows when it comes
just like no one knows what will happen tomorrow
Thinking too much about this and being a little mad...
Who can understand the true fear
suddenly came out from the heart...
No body knows... ...
Typhoon Typhoon is coming again...
When I were in Longyan, actually I didn't have much feelings about Typhoons, because they just brought us endless raining and strong winds-----not so serious as they happened in the circumlittoral areas... like floods, mudflows and so on... I've just seen that throught TV. It's said that in May this year, we had the most serious situation-----The onrush had submerge the main bridge and some classrooms of the schools were flooded. But I was in Beijing at that time and enjoyed the sunshine. Maybe this time I can experience it myself... Well, I'm not crazy, just a little curious
 ... Now I live along Minjiang River. A beautiful park was built here and in the evenings there were many ships decorated with colorful lights on the river. Like Waitan in Shanghai... But Uncle told me that if Typhoon came, the whole park would disappear and be under the waters. What you could see was just boundless water. What will the scenery be? The stree is fulled of water and cars and buses can't work. People wear slippers and walk in the water. Just like I saw from TV and Internet. Students must be happy now, because they don't need to come to school tomorrow----But I havn't received any messages, so I still have to go there.. Well, good night to my friends and waiting for the typhoons. How to write a composition This morning, Sementha and I were both confused by something said by Nigel.He taught us how to write a composition in English.. When you saw a title, you should first think what could be talked about. And then wrote down the body first, and then the conclusion and at last was the introduction.. Why? I still couldn't understand, because since I could write, my teacher told us to write the introduction first and then we could stick to it then the body won't go far away from the main idea. But Nigel said we should first write the body in case there would be something new occured to us. And his advice was to use simple sentences and structures... Maybe it was right, but it would take some time to change the way in which we wrote our compositions.. After all, we had formed a habit...
I read a short story just now, using the method Nigel taught us this morning. That is we could just read the first and the last sentences of every para then can totally understand what the passage is going to talk about... Well, it's useful...
We talked about plans. Nigel suggested us write the big plans down then he told us his.. that's in six months, one year, three years, ten years.... so clearly.. Then I thought about myself----where are my plans? Thought I don't want to live my life at a loss, I havn't made myself do anyting.. Just as I always say, plans can't catch up with changes. This is also what I'm thinking these days and also the thing which made me upset and crazy. I feel badly about this, just wondering what's my values on earth to this world.. my philosophy and world view must be rebuilt..
Now I finally got the ideas of Nigel's.. I should write the title the last... I'm always writing something that doesn't relate to it... Like my complaints about my life and future above......  |
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